If there is any question about how big of a dork I am, I am going to banish those doubts forever with what I am about to share …
So, I have a three-month-old baby, right? And I am breastfeeding her. Well, I also have this full time job where I have to go to work for 8 hours a day. So, that means I bring the pump to work and lock myself in a conference room 3 times a day.
Also, I have this A.D.D. issue. I am talking SERIOUS ADD people. I cannot stand to sit in traffic because OH MY GOD I have stuff to do! YOU PEOPLE ARE IN MY WAY and I have IMPORTANT. THINGS. TO DO!! RIGHT NOW!! I cannot watch television without doing something else at the same time. While I am working on one project (crafty projects, taking pictures, work, it doesn’t matter really) I am thinking about the next 16 projects I am going to do.
So, spending 20 minutes a day inside a barren conference room THREE TIMES A DAY does not really sit well with my racing mind. I usually sit there the whole time thinking about the 75 things I need to be doing RIGHT NOW. I have to figure out how to write that query for the finance guys. I have to send in Eli’s T-ball form. I need to gather my forms for taxes. I want to take some valentine’s-themed pictures. And on and on and on …
So, this morning as I was putting together the pieces of my breast pump, I thought about how I often feel like a milk cow. My loving husband even “moo”s at me when he sees me hooking up to the ol’ milkin’ machine. He calls me “Bessie” (he thinks this is hilarious because it sounds like “Jessi”).
Then I began to think about how I cannot still my mind. I would not do well with meditation. Does it count if you meditate about the eleventy-five zillion things you think you SHOULD BE DOING RIGHT NOW?!? Probably not. Do other people have this issue? Why can I not FOCUS? Why can I not sit here peacefully? OH MY GOD I AM GOING INSANE. I am sitting here like a milk cow and I have a bazillion things to do RIGHT NOW. I am going CRAZY, I tell you!
Then it hit me. I am crazy and I am like a milk cow? I have MAD COW DISEASE!!! Bwahahahaha!!!
Maybe my next project should be “start new career as comedian” …